ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

peetasboxers:

peetasboxers:

A COP JUST CAME TO MY HOUSE AND TOLD US WE NEEDED TO EVACUATE AND MY DAD WAS LIKE NO SO THE COP WAS JUST LIKE WHATEVER AND WALKED BACK TO HIS POLICE CAR AND AS WE WAS WALKING AWAY MY DAD WHISPERED “YOLO”

DAD I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS A HURRICANE WE CANT JUST SURVIVE WITH “OUR MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SWAG”

fuckoffcats:

THE AMOUNT OF THINGS I HAVE TO DO AND I’M SITTING HERE REFRESHING MY FUCKING DASHBOARD OVER AND OVER AGAIN I HATE THIS FUCKING WEBSITE

(Source: heathermorris)

ifyoucarryonthisway:

i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute